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September 25, 2008
Point is you need to get TO the Point!
Picture it, the end of the Subway Line, about 9:30 p.m. on a weeknight. My friend has just dropped me off after dinner, so I can metro home. As I walk towards the fare gate, a young man in his early twenties stops me. When he asks me for a minute of my time, I’m certain he and his friend are going to hit me up for money. I was wrong.
Thinking Fool: Go ahead.
Young Man: Hi, how are you tonight?
Thinking Fool: I’m fine. What’s up?
Young Man: Well, we are students at [Name of Some School I’ve never heard of]. Have, you, ugh… well, do you believe in God?
Thinking Fool: (Oh Christ. Here we go.) Yes, I do.
Young Man: Great, and do you, well, do you identify with a particular faith?
Thinking Fool: (Right now, I’m identifying with all the other bastards you bothered today.) Yes, I do.
Young Man: Would you consider yourself a Christian?
Thinking Fool: Yes.
Younger Man: Oh great. Well, then you’re familiar with God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, right? But have you ever heard of God the Mother?
Thinking Fool: No.
Younger Man: Well, not many people have, but the Bible is rife with passages about God the Mother. For example (proceeds to show me Bible passage from Book of Revelations identifying God the Mother).
Thinking Fool: Okay, great.
Younger Man: So, it’s clear that the Bible mentions God the Mother, right?
Thinking Fool: That passage certainly suggests so, yes.
Younger Man: Well, here’s another passage. (Shows me another passage).
Thinking Fool: Okay, great, bud. I agree. The Bible mentions God the Mother. What’s your point? I’ve got to go.
Younger Man: Well, don’t you think it’s odd that nobody has really ever heard of God the Mother?
Thinking Fool: (Right now, I find it odd that nobody has stabbed you in the leg.) Yeah, sure, but what’s your point.
Younger Man: (Shows me another Bible passage supporting his contention that the Bible mentions God the Mother.)
Thinking Fool: Dude, I understand there’s God the Mother. That’s obviously point number one in your lecture. I’m ready for point number two. So move on from point number one and get to point number two, okay?
Younger Man: Well, Christians have heard about God the Father and Son and Holy Spirit, but they haven’t heard about God the Mother. But to have a child, you need both a Father and a Mother, right?
Thinking Fool: (Looking at him with a deer-in-headlights look, thinking, “He’s not going to just continue to make point #1, is he?”)
Younger Man: (Showing me another passage about God the Mother).
Thinking Fool: (Staring the sidekick in the eyes) How come you never talk?
Sidekick: Oh, I do.
Thinking Fool: Well, you didn’t say a word until just now. Are you guys like Penn and Teller?
Sidekick: (Clearly has no idea who Penn and Teller are) He’s just a better speaker.
Thinking Fool: Who told you that, him?
Sidekick: No, he just knows more.
Thinking Fool: Oh really? I bet he told you that.
Sidekick: No, it’s just true.
Thinking Fool: He sounds like a racist to me. He’s a white man acting all high and mighty. He’s acting like he’s smarter than you are. He’s trying to keep you down.
Sidekick: Nah, it’s not like that at all.
Thinking Fool: (Thinking, “He’s probably right, considering that both are white.”) Well, if you say so. (Looking back at the other guy) Look, I’ve got to go. So you want to give me your main message before I leave? I understand your first point; there’s a God the Mother. But what’s the ultimate point? I need to believe in God the Mother in order to be saved? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?
Younger Man: Let me show you another passage. (Proceeds to show me a passage where God the Mother is mentioned.) You see, people have heard about God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but hardly anyone has heard about God the Mother, but clearly the Bible discusses God the Mother.
Thinking Fool: (Walking away) I’ve got to go. Good luck, guys.
I think I was a hell of a lot more patient with these two clowns than most people would have been, but for the love of God (the Mother), you’ve got to get to the point. These two seemed like Willy Loman at the end of his career. (He was the bastard who couldn’t sell anything the older he got, right?) They just couldn’t seal the deal. I wish they would have asked me for money.
Comments
I was thinking half way through the post, "damn, TF is patient!"
I agree, money, or even being held up?) might have been preferable ;-)
Posted by: LisaBinDaCity at September 25, 2008 08:07 AM
Yeah, but if you read the Bible carefully you'll see that there is a God the Mother. You certainly can't downplay that fact.
Posted by: Philosofer at September 25, 2008 11:21 AM
I think the "God the Mother" Christian contingency might want to consider investing in speaking/marketing skills for its field workers.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at September 25, 2008 10:35 PM
But if there was a God the Mother, and a God the Father, then certainly there was at some point a God the Grandmother and God the Grandfather, and if anything like my family, a God the Stepbrother, God the Halfsister, God the Mistress to Said God the Grandfather, and let's not forget, God the Creepy Uncle. All this is in the Bible. Verbatim. Swear to God the Second Cousin in Reno.
Posted by: blumpkin at September 26, 2008 03:32 PM
Fool, You totally should have told those kids your stance on the "Bush Doctrine". It would have blown their minds.
Posted by: Wiseazzz at September 29, 2008 01:33 PM
