November 25, 2008
If He Gets Out, He Could Always Audition for The Omen
Did you hear about the 8-year-old boy who shot and killed his dad? Here’s the latest in that case, with some expert commentary interspersed!
MOM: MURDER SUSPECT, 8, “LOVED HIS DAD”
NEW YORK - The 8-year-old Arizona boy accused of fatally shooting his father and another man is a "good little boy" who loved his dad, his mother said Monday.
Isn’t that the same thing Damien’s parents said about their little prince in The Omen?
"He had a very good relationship with his father," the boy's mother, Eryn Thomas, told ABC's "Good Morning America."
Really? REALLY??? I have a very good relationship with my father. Unlike the 8-year-old, however, I have never shot and killed my father, let alone even thought about doing it! Call me crazy, but I’m not so certain I buy this whole “he had a good relationship with his daddy” jive. It is much more likely that the mom does not understand the meaning of the word “good” or is saying it in a completely sarcastic manner.
"He did a lot with him. They did everything together. He loved his dad.”
Well, part of loving daddy means not pointing a loaded gun at him and pulling the trigger. At a minimum, you shoot daddy’s friend, not daddy, especially if daddy’s friend is a different color.
During the interview, Thomas listened to the videotape of the boy's police confession and said she heard a "scared little boy. That's what I hear. Someone who's very afraid of what's going on."
If I were staring at a lifetime behind bars, I probably would be afraid of what’s going on too. On the bright side of things, at least he won’t have to worry about getting any girls pregnant in high school!
The unidentified child was charged with first-degree murder in the Nov. 5 shooting deaths at his home in St. John's, Ariz.
Prosecutors on Friday sought to dismiss the charge stemming from the death of the boy's father, 29-year-old Vincent Romero, but did not explain why. Their motion, if granted, allows the refiling of charges. Attorneys would not comment because of a gag order.
Wouldn’t it be cool if some judge issued a gag order by literally gagging and blindfolding an attorney in order to slap the attorney’s ass? That probably would rise to judicial misconduct, but I’ve never seen that hypo in any of the Ethics books, so it would probably be a matter of first impression. In other words, carpe diem!
The boy is also charged in the slaying of 39-year-old Tim Romans, his father's co-worker and housemate.
Mr. Romans seems like the Ron Goldman of 2008. Speaking of which, doesn’t O.J. get sentenced soon? Anyone want to set the over/under? I say 15 years.
Videotaped confession
In the videotape of the confession, the boy sits in an oversized police chair, his feet dangling off the floor, and eventually admits that he pulled the trigger. As the video wraps up, he buries his head in his jacket.
"I'm going to go to juvie," the boy says after an officer asks what he's thinking.
Damn right you are! When the officer asked what the boy was thinking, it would have been funnier if the kid responded, “I’m thinking about killing you!”
Thomas said she's visited her son in the juvenile detention center, where on some visits they are separated by glass.
I wonder how they determine when the mom and kid are separated by glass and when they’re not. I hope she’s not breast-feeding the boy. I’m sure that, as rough as jail is, the officials are giving him milk.
"He's in there by himself, definitely scared," she said, describing the boy as a "very small child" who is being housed separately from the older children.
For safety purposes, he DEFINITELY should be segregated from the older children. Otherwise, those older kids might end up dead.
Thomas lives in Mississippi. The boy had been living with his father and stepmother, who were married in September. Romero had primary custody of the 8-year-old.
That probably means the mom is a fabulous mother. After all, courts are just quick as can be to grant primary custody to fathers when the mom’s still around. (As an aside, remember that show from the 1980s called My Two Dads. Why wasn’t that program more controversial? Unless my memory is completely hazy, the plot was simple. Some woman was banging two guys around the same time, got pregnant by one of them, and the two guys agreed to raise the resulting child. Yes, I realize women are free to have as many tallywhackers in them as they like. But in the 1980s (or maybe it was the early 1990s), it just surprises me that a television network had no issues promoting that message on the air, in what was sort of a family show. The show wasn’t even set in Utah either.)
Judge Michael Roca ruled that the boy could be released for 48 hours to spend Thanksgiving with his mother.
Judge Roca, I have but one thing to say to you: Whachu talking about, Willis?!? I know the kid is only 8, but he murdered two men. Maybe I’m a hard ass, but I would let him eat his turkey dinner in the pen this year.
Thomas said her son wanted to see the movie "Kung Fu Panda" and play games during his parole.
He probably doesn’t think his mom would take him to see the latest Saw movie. Here’s to hoping he doesn’t want to play the new board game, “Kill Mommy!”
She described the boy as an average 8-year-old.
"He's very outgoing, he loves animals, he loves to ride his dirt bike, skateboarding, that sort of thing," she said.
She should have added, “Aside from murder, he’s a little angel!”
* * *
Assuming the dad and friend didn’t have this coming to them (i.e. they weren’t molesting the kid or abusing him in some other fashion), do you think this kid should ever be allowed to roam free? On the one hand, he is so young and has barely reached the age of reason. On the other hand, can an eight-year-old kid murder two men and grow up to be even a little normal/healthy? I sure wouldn’t want to live next to him.
Posted by fool at 12:10 AM | Comments (6)November 24, 2008
Monday Musings...
Am I the only one who thinks Mitt Romney should be tapped to lead Ford, GM, or Chrysler? I have a feeling that boy would get it done. And who knows! If he raised one of the Big Three from the dead, perhaps people would really stand behind him in 2012 or 2016.
If you live in the D.C. area and can recommend a good primary-care physician, I would REALLY appreciate if you would share such valuable information! I have lived in D.C. for nearly seven years and still don’t have a good family doctor. So if you know one who accepts BlueCross BlueShield, let me know. I’m looking for someone who is thorough. And by “thorough,” I mean someone who will actually look at and touch my testicles. The last guy I went to didn’t touch my nuts, and I found that troubling. I had even showered and sprayed a little cologne down there in anticipation of some good times. What a waste! Seriously though, if you can recommend a good doctor, I would appreciate it. Might as well use the health insurance I have.
It turns out that president-elect Obama hasn’t attended church services the last two weekends. Do you find that repulsive or refreshing?
I just discovered the show Top Chef. I don’t like it as much as I like The Next Food Network Star, but it’s still quite entertaining. I would love to open my own restaurant one day. Only problems: (1) I cannot stand the smell of seafood, and have nearly puked on the few occasions I’ve actually tried consuming it; (2) I do not know how to cook many things; (3) Papa Fool and my friends have told me numerous times that there is no demand for a restaurant that only serves potato dishes.
If Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano actually becomes the Secretary of Homeland Security, I really, REALLY hope she will do something about sealing the border.
When Rosie O’Donnell saw a teenager at a Detroit restaurant whom she thought belonged in motion pictures, she decided to cast him in a movie. This, of course, is newsworthy, because usually when O’Donnell is in restaurants, she never takes her eyes off the food. That's why I have a hunch the kid was dressed up as some sort of edible object, like a hot dog, a milkshake, or, perhaps a vagina.
And that's what I offer you on this Monday.
Posted by fool at 01:11 AM | Comments (3)November 18, 2008
How to Make YOUR Day More Fun
If you work on one of the top floors of a building and find yourself bored each time you have to ride the elevator all the way to the ground floor, then this is your lucky day! I have a guaranteed cure for your boredom!
First, you need to start loading up on beans – pinto, refried, black, ranch style, etc.
Second, you need to start eating as much cabbage as you can possibly stomach. If you’re not a vegetarian, mix in some bacon for good measure.
Third, you need to start drinking at least one smoothie each morning. That smoothie must be loaded with protein powder and at least one ripe banana.
Fourth, you need to start eating tons of garlic. How much is enough? Could what you eat kill at least a billion vampires? If so, that’s enough. If it could kill a few vampires, that’s probably enough too.
Fifth, you should eat asparagus every single day.
Sixth, drink a tall glass of whole milk shortly after you arrive at the office each morning.
The first six steps are hard. I realize that. I do. Fortunately, the seventh one is simple.
Step Seven: Each time you get on the elevator, you are to fart. Trust me, with the above-described diet, you are not going to have any problems cranking out some flatulence. So yes, each time you get on that elevator, you are to rip as juicy a fart as you can possibly muster. You might even get a nice combo fart in. (You might want to keep some extra boxers/briefs/panties in your office because, well, quite frankly, there’s a good chance you’re going to draw mud at times. But that’s okay. It's part of the process. Whatever you do, don't get discouraged!)
After you fart, you will wait.
That’s right. You will wait.
Unless you are some creep-ball who is into this sort of thing, as you are waiting, you undoubtedly will hope you can ride to the bottom of the building without stopping at any floors. Because you know that, if the elevator stops, whoever gets on will smell an odor that not even a morgue could replicate.
And why would you want to place yourself in this potentially awkward situation? Well, instead of being bored on the way down, you will now be nervous—incredibly so—hoping like hell that nobody gets on that elevator with you. You might even start sweating. Your heart will definitely be racing. And that means that all of a sudden, your usual dull elevator ride will be anything but boring.
If the elevator does NOT stop, you won't end up offending anyone, yet you will have gotten that rush that we all crave as human beings. And unlike many rushes, this one is perfectly legal!
I know what you're thinking. What happens if the elevator does stop to pick up someone? Well, that will definitely be unfortunate. But it’s not THAT big a deal.
People appreciate honesty. So you will merely say, “I apologize. If I had known someone was going to get on with me, I never would have farted.”
As soon as you are done saying that, you are to push every single button between the ground floor and whatever floor you happen to be on. This will ensure a longer ride. And as soon as you do that, you are to fart again, as loudly as you can! And yes, each time the elevator stops, you should fart again. Just keep farting and farting and farting. BUT REMEMBER, each time you fart, you must say, “I’m so sorry. I have no idea what I ate.”
It will be a good time. Trust me.
And if, for some reason, people get annoyed, just say, “Look, I’m having a really bad day, okay? My urine smells even worse than my gas does.”
Posted by fool at 12:14 AM | Comments (9)November 17, 2008
Headlines and Commentary...
Cigarette smoking may worsen PMS woes Reason #514 not to date a smoker...
Economy sailing into rougher waters Well, that makes me feel good.
Those still in stocks resigned to tough it out Amen to that, brother!
McCartney wants to release experimental Beatles track I bet he could make more money if he released an experimental video about what it's like to have sex with a one-legged gold-digging crazy woman.
Comedian Wanda Sykes 'proud to be gay' In the words of Johnny Carson, "I did not know that." Speaking of Johnny, do you think he thought Ed McMahon was a total idiot because, by all measures, Ed McMahon is a total idiot.
Scoop: Palin book deal could rake in $7 million Larry Flynt would give her more.
Julianna Margulies won't be back on ‘ER’ Wait a minute. That show is still on the air? Really? REALLY?!?!
Arizona governor parodied on ‘SNL’ Janet Reno, Part II, here we come! To think, we could have had John Edwards as our Attorney General. He and Alberto ought to see who's a bigger intellectual lightweight.
Thinking Fool ready for bed Indeed I am. May you have a wonderful Monday.
Posted by fool at 12:33 AM | Comments (1)November 13, 2008
Playing at a Theater Near You (if you’re lucky)...
Religulous
The Gist: Bill Maher doesn’t know what happens when you die, and he doesn’t believe anyone else does either. He finds it perplexing that so many people seem so certain of God’s existence. Maher believes organized religion is a crock that has caused far more harm than good. In an attempt to support his views, he wanders around the globe interviewing people of all faiths, from Christian truck-drivers to a holocaust-denying rabbi to a hate-spreading British Muslim singer to a U.S. Senator to a priest outside the Vatican to some excommunicated Mormons. Maher questions, he pokes, he jokes, he angers, he frightens, and he does it all very well. At one point, he meets a man who seems to find miracles in just about everything. The man explains that he is absolutely positive that Jesus exists and that he will join Jesus when he dies. Maher asks how he knows. The man says he just does. Maher asks if being with Jesus will be better than being on Earth. The man replies yes. “Well, why don’t you kill yourself then?” Maher asks. The man froze. I howled. In fact, I howled throughout much of the movie. Although the topic was quite serious, there were countless laugh-out-loud moments, and most of them were laugh-out-loud HARD moments. It is rare when a film makes you laugh and think as much as this one does.
What Would Have Made this Movie Better: Maher gets a little too heavy in the final two minutes. He should have ended on a slightly more upbeat note.
Who Should See This: I think everyone should. With that stated, however, if you are deeply religious and are offended when anyone questions your beliefs, then you should not even watch this if someone offers to buy your ticket and throw in twenty bucks for kicks. On the other hand, if you are skeptical about religion, or a devoutly religious person who has no problem having your beliefs challenged, then find a theater, go to that theater, and enjoy.
The Verdict: I will see this again. A
November 06, 2008
Election Thoughts
I don’t think anyone I voted for on Tuesday actually ended up winning. And yes, that includes the presidential candidates.
So why did I end up voting for McCain?
First, I think he actually would have governed in a bipartisan fashion. I don’t know if Obama will. He certainly talks about doing as much, but his record isn’t exactly replete with examples of him standing up to his own party and reaching across party lines. McCain – despite attempting to sound like a staunch conservative during the last year – works well with people of the other party and is far more moderate when he’s not trying to appeal to the Republican base.
Second, I trust McCain more on foreign policy/terrorism issues.
Third, I am not in favor of increasing taxes on anyone, the poor, the rich, the middle class, businesses, etc., especially in this economic climate.
Fourth, I think McCain would have done a better job eliminating government waste. (And no, I should not be considered government waste, at least not all of the time! I’ve actually been leaving work at 10 p.m. the last few days. Happy this does not make me, but when stuff needs to get done, it needs to get done. In other words, the government has gotten its money’s worth out of me this week.)
Fifth, I actually like gridlock. I think it prevents the government from going too far in one direction. (At my core, I am a centrist.) Now that the Democrats control the White House and Congress, they will be able to do almost anything they want. Sure, the Republicans might hold up some things in the Senate, but the Democrats are clearly in control.
Why did I end up almost NOT voting for McCain?
First, Sarah Palin. To say she was in over her head would be like saying some American men enjoy watching football. If she runs for president in 2012 and secures the Republican nomination, you can rest assured that Obama will have my vote. McCain showed awful judgment in tapping her to be his running mate. He should have tapped her in a different way if he was going to tap her for anything.
Second, Obama is an incredibly uplifting figure. Even though I probably agree more with McCain’s positions on things, Go-Johnny-Go just doesn’t have that “oomph” factor that Obama does. I remember watching Obama speak after the Iowa caucuses and thinking, “Wow. This guy is amazing.” Our country is down in the dumps right now and we need an inspirational leader. I think Obama can do for America over the next few years what Reagan did for us in the early 80s, i.e. make each of us feel proud to be an American. I just hope he doesn't saddle us with FDR-esque programs that are impossible to pay for eighty years from now.
Third, McCain ran just an absolutely atrociously awful campaign. He always runs awful national campaigns. That made me wonder if he would actually appoint people who could run the government in an efficient manner (well, as efficient as possible). Obama, on the other hand, ran the best, most disciplined campaign in the history of American politics. Maybe he can do the same as Chief Executive of the country.
At the end of the day, what does this all mean?
Even though I voted for McCain, I certainly wasn’t distressed when the results started rolling in. In fact, I was incredibly proud to be an American on Tuesday night because this country demonstrated that it truly is the land of opportunity. Where else can a kid with a white American mom and a black Kenyan dad grow up to be the leader of the country?
Many Democrats did a great disservice to this country in 2000 when they sulked and refused to recognize George Bush as president, as if he did something wrong by fighting as hard as he could for the White House. Even when Bush defeated Kerry in 2004, I heard from more than one liberal friend, “I do not recognize Bush as my president.” Well, such a sentiment is total nonsense.
Barack Obama will be my president, and he will be your president. He will be America’s president and deserves our respect. I didn’t vote for the guy, but I hope he ends up being a rousing success. I never get why people want our leaders to be failures. How is that good for the nation? I will support Obama in the macro sense, even if I disagree with him about various issues, and I will be excited as hell if he can help the country gets its groove back.
If Obama actually attempts to govern in a bipartisan fashion - something George W. Bush promised to do, but didn't really do, especially when the Republicans regained control of the Senate in 2002 - then we have a real shot of unifying our country. I imagine a lot of people won't give him a chance and will write him off from the start. If they do, shame on them.
What a year! What a story!
As Don King would say, “Only in America!”
Posted by fool at 12:23 PM | Comments (9)November 04, 2008
Random Ponderings…
This whole set-our-clocks-back-an-hour is total nonsense. Looking outside at 5:30 p.m. and seeing total darkness is nothing but depressing. I will vote for any candidate who calls for the elimination of this absurd practice. If two candidates running against each other both call for the elimination of my least-favorite-thing-in-the-fall, I will find a way to vote for both of them. If that’s impossible, I will vote for the candidate with the largest thing or the largest boobies, depending on which is appropriate (large boobies on a man does not constitute something that is appropriate).
I’m surprised we haven’t heard reports of Obama’s grandmother’s death being some conspiracy to engender sympathy for the Big O on the last day before the election. Maybe such conspiracy theories actually exist, and I just haven’t seen them. In any event, sympathies to the junior Senator from Illinois – losing loved ones is not fun.
Whose idiotic decision was it to have Chris Berman interview the two presidential candidates the night before the election? Berman looked as comfortable as a midget at a urinal in an NBA locker room.
And finally, from the “I’m so glad I got to see that with my own eyes” file, yesterday, I saw a very obese woman walking down the street smoking a cigarette. She was only about 300 pounds away from being the next James Bond girl.
Posted by fool at 12:00 AM | Comments (3)