December 17, 2008
Why Didn't You just Name Him "Shithead," Like Navin R. Johnson's Dog in The Jerk
Add Heath and Deborah Campbell to the list of people who should not be allowed to procreate! Before they have a fourth child, a tubal ligation AND vasectomy are in order!
Why?
Because those two geniuses named one of their children “Adolph Hitler Campbell!”
I’m sure they are just super parents.
Adolf’s father is upset because a supermarket refused to include Adolf’s full name on his birthday cake.
You know, this is the kind of thing that inevitably happens when you name your child “Adolf Hitler.” I'm sure the kid will have as much fun in school as Elliot Spitzer's daughters did after their daddy gained national attention.
Can’t states reject names for being completely messed up?
I know when I approached state officials about adopting a little Korean kid and naming him “Motherfucker,” they told me they wouldn’t recommend my adoption application. I tried to explain to them how funny it would be on the first day of kindergarten when the teacher got to my kid’s name on the roll sheet, but they weren't buying it.
“Ashley Foley?”
“Here!”
“Matt Fontaine.”
“Here!”
“Umm. (Long pause.) Umm (even longer pause!). Umm... Fool? (Looking up)”
“Here!”
“Hmm, I see. (Pause) What is your first name, son?”
“Motherfucker! My daddy calls me 'Lil M'Fer!'"
At least I know teachers wouldn’t call on my son. And yes, I realize I should not be allowed to procreate either.
Comments
Did you see what they named his siblings?...
Posted by: Sarah at December 19, 2008 12:09 PM
I did indeed, Sarah. I really don't understand why we can't keep some people from breeding.
Posted by: Fool at December 21, 2008 10:27 PM
